Pray, don't do that.

Don't pray for me. I mean to say, I do appreciate your thinking of me, but please don't say you're praying for me. After all, what are you asking your god for?

Umm. God? Please let his cancer go into remission. You know, the cancer that you gave him in the first place? Yeah, make that go away.

Be honest. If you believe in an omniscient and omnipotent deity, you have to believe that your deity gave me cancer is the first place. And if he knows what he's doing, then why ask him to change things.

I would also appreciate not hearing:

• God works in mysterious ways. This is a b.s. way of saying that bad stuff happens and nobody knows why.
• God is testing you. No, not me. Maybe he's testing the oncologists.
• The Lord will provide. Well, He certainly provided the malignancy.
• Rectal cancer? Holy sh*t. Actually, this one makes me laugh, so go ahead and say it.
  

OK, so are we clear on that? No prayers, no cliches. It won't work. Why not? Because God is punishing me for being an atheist.

I'm ready for my close up now

Today, the colonoscopy revealed colorectal cancer. Here's the back story

A couple of weeks earlier, I thought that I had hemorrhoids. So (at the insistence of Mrs. 270) I tried to see my primary care physician, but he was not available, so I made an appointment with one of his partners. She gave me a digital rectal exam. Now this is important guys. When you are going to have a digital rectal, get a woman physician. Her finger is smaller than a man's.

So she said that she felt something unusual in the "upper aspect." I thought "Ha, ha. you said ass-pect." She referred me to a gastroenterologist, who was not a she. You know you're in trouble when the only box of latex gloves in the examining room is XXL.

After the discomfort of that exam, he scheduled me for a colonoscopy. "Well," I thought, "At least I'll be asleep for that."

If you've never had a colonoscopy, the day before is also difficult as you must stop eating and then take laxatives. You get to the to the studio and they have the nerve to ask "How are you?" I replied, "I'm starving and I have diarrhea." Nevertheless, the nurses were quite upbeat, with one of them urging me to scream when the other put in the i.v. needle as a critique of her technique. I responded with a mild "Eek," which had them in stitches

I didn't take the full course of laxatives and told the nurse that I was behind schedule. She didn't laugh when I said "behind," so I had to tell her it was OK to laugh at that. They wheeled me in to the portrait studio and the anesthesiologist started to put me under. "I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille" (Yes, I actually said that).

The scope showed tumors. My GE-ologist sent them off for pathology, but the initial diagnosis was made.

DC United 3 - Colorado Rapids 1

Son 1 and I saw DC United beat the CRapids 3-1. Son 1 was wearing his #99 home replica (with his name, not Jaime's on the back) DC's Brian Namoff opened the scoring with an own goal. Namoff redeemed himself later with a wicked header off a corner kick and inside the near post. So DC scored four unanswered goals?

The match was part of a double-header, with the Freedom playing Red Star Chicago in the early match. We didn't make it to the early match. But, when we walked up to buy tickets, some people who were leaving after the first match gave us their tickets (section 119), so we just bought the cheapest seats available, but settled down in 119, not too far from the field. Nice digs.

Prior to kickoff we met some of the Soccer Insider regulars: BlackandRedRedDevil, OWNTF, VirginiaBlueBlood, and Mrs.VBB. Good folks with good taste in beer, and proof that not all of us on the internet are raving lunatics.

Son 2 has no interest in watching soccer, nevertheless, he likes his #14 away replica (with his name, not Ben's) so we bought him a DC United hat.

We drove back through the city so that Son 1 could catch a glimpse of the Capitol Building, the Washington Monument, and the White House at night.

Prologue (Updated)

So, why write a blog? Well, I have a lot of stuff on my mind. Now I can share it with you (but give it back when you're finished, I really can't afford to lose any more of my mind).

I've thought about having a forum for my opinions on soccer, Eurosnobs, and why I enjoy the game so much. But, there are many soccer blogs available that are written by persons with more knowledge of the game. So mine would just be a place for rants, and there are many rant blogs out there as well. So, in looking for a niche, I really couldn't find one. Until (as you'll read later) I was diagnosed with cancer. Soccer and cancer? There's my niche.

OK, to be honest, Marcia Williams had this niche first. I wish her and the Williams family the best and encourage everyone to consider registering as a bone marrow donor.

Some may think that I'm taking this lightly or sharing too much. To them, I say, get your own damn blog and write seriously and guardedly. I do have limits though, I won't post photos of the colonoscopy or the tattoos on my butt for targeting the radiation therapy - unless, of course, I can make money from it.

Maybe this is therapeutic, maybe I can use cancer as a reason to blather on about why those of you in the United States should all burn your foreign-team jerseys and buy American. Whatever the reason, I'm going to keep writing.

UPDATE: I backdated this entry to put things in perspective. I started this blog in mid-July, after the diagnosis was made.