FOLFOX Round 11: I'm Running Out Of Subtitles

I just realized that I haven't posted anything about Round 11, which was two weeks ago.  There's nothing much to write about it.  I was taken of Emend (one of the anti-emetics).  The protocol is an infusion of Emend on day 1, followed by Emend tablets on days 2 and 3.  However, in about week four, I forgot to take the Emend tablets and, since I wasn't nauseous, I decided to stay off them.  The fewer drugs, the better is my creed - unless we're talking about narcotics.

In treatments 5-10, the nurses have asked if I had my Emend prescription.  I told them each time that I do, but I don't take it.  Finally, in week 11, one of the nurses figured that since I've been breaking protocol for months, she would take me off the d1 Emend infusion.  Fine with me, if that and the associated steroids are eliminated, it cuts an hour off the infusion time.  I really don't want to spend more time than necessary in the infusion room.

No new side effects to add.  I have the same old problems, they just last longer.  I had figured to lose my fine motor skills, but I didn't.  I'm still able to button my shirts, even those ridiculously tiny buttons on the collar,and I was able to build this:

LEGO Droid Trifighter

I haven't tried to tie my shoes lately, because I wear sandals to go out of the house.  It's 100 freakin' degrees out, I'm not wearing tennis shoes or Adidas Sambas, and I'm certainly not wearing these, not matter what Clint Dempsey says.

Yours for the low, low price of $339.99.

Whatever happened to black soccer boots anyway.  These days, the stars are wearing yellow, orange, and lime green ones.  If you're going to wear fancy-schmancy shoes, you'd better score lots of goals.  Hear that, Messrs. Rooney, Ronaldo, and Messi?

My Favorite Soccer Commercials

Is anyone else disappointed with the 2010 World Cup commercials?  I am.  They just haven't interested me as before.  Not that I would run out for Adidas or Nike cleats every four years (my Adidas cleats are over 12 years old). And if I did go to the store, I wouldn't miss a minute of any matches, because I can watch on my phone, while driving.  Anyway, this Cup's commercials are disappointing because they're  just selling products, rather than appealing to the imagination.

We who watch soccer on TV (WWWSOT) remember the old days, when there was no live soccer on TV.  The few matches we saw were tape delayed and edited for American TV, i.e. play was cut out and commercials were put in.  At some point, we started seeing live soccer.  Then, when corporations figured out that WWWSOT are above the national average in education and income, they decided to make soccer-themed commercials.  The earliest ones I remember were run-of-the-mill ads with soccer players, e.g. Tab Ramos (Snickers) and Mia Hamm (Pert). Then the ads turned into short films.  I've put a few of my favorites below the break.

FOLFOX Round 9: Or is it faux FOX

FOLFOX

• FOL– Folinic acid (leucovorin)
• F – Fluorouracil (5-FU)
• OX – Oxaliplatin
  

Leucovorin was in short supply, so it was excluded from my treatment regimen this round.  It's a freakin' vitamin, how can there be a shortage.  I think I'll have to start getting my drugs at GNC.  Of course, GNC supplements may contain banned substances, which will disqualify me from the 2010 World Cup.  As I was never even invited to training camp, this won't be a big deal.  However, I have been repeatedly invited to buy tickets.


Actually it should be FOLFOXCAMAGALOXIDEX because it includes :Calcium and Magnesium (to dampen the neuropathy), Aloxi (for nausea), dexamethasone (to increase the efficacy of the Aloxi),

The good thing was that I remembered to shave this time, sparing me the agony of tape removal.  You want terrorists to talk?  Rip their chest hair off with medical tape.

If you attend any PTA meetings, or any meetings whatsoever, read this blog.  you'll recognize some of the players, but i hope it's not in the mirror.

Finally, for the deep thinkers, Dan has a book recommendation.

Fie, Fi, Fo, Fum.

The US men's soccer team opens it's World Cup against England.  To stoke the fires of patriotism and fan the flames of jingoism, here are some reasons why we should dislike the English, at least for June 12, 2010.

1. Their Players I: John Terry and Ashley Cole - to be fair though, put together, they didn't score off the field nearly as much as Tiger Woods.
2. Their Players II: Joey Barton and his family. These guys make our felon-athletes look like Sunday School teachers.
   
3. Their Food: To get decent a decent meal, the English had to colonize three-fourths of the world. Look at all the problems that caused.
4. Cricket:  "How long is a game?"  "Two innings."  "So it takes, what, an hour?"  "No. Five days."
   
5. Their Cars I: Jaguar, Land Rover, British Leyland, the list goes on.  Their cars are all crap.  They even made one called Tourette (insert your own joke).  Thankfully, they don't build cars anymore, letting the Germans and Indians handle that.  Don't get me started on their motorcycles.
6. Their Cars II: They drive on the wrong side of the road.  The Canadians had enough sense to drop that idea.
7. The Royal Family:  If they were American, they would be in a trashy reality show on Bravo.
8. Their Sitcoms: Why, oh why, does PBS still subject us to Are You Being Served?  It's not, and never was, funny.  And I am unanimous in that.
   
9. Their Honors: Knighthoods for singing?  Singing?!  What I want to see is Elton John v Paul McCartney in a joust.
10. Amy Winehouse.  'Nuff said.

To the Scottish and Irish readers: "Because they're bastards" may be a good enough reason for you, but it's not on my list.  Anyway, in the spirit of '76, I'm going to dump my venti chai peppermint mocha latte into the Anacostia.  It should improve the water quality.

FOLFOX Round 8:: 66.66666666666...

Eight down, four to go.  And it seems like just yesterday that I started all my treatments.

At this visit we learned that my platelet counts are low due to the oxaliplatin.  That's really a direct, rather than side, effect.  The drugs are supposed to kill rapidly dividing cells, like tumor cells, and blood cell precursors happen to divide rapidly.  Side effects, like the numbness in my hands and the cold intolerance, are hanging around like bad house guests.  So my oncologist dialed back to dose, rather than delay the treatment.  He may be concerned that some of the side effects may become permanent at the regular dose, or that my platelet count will be so low that I'll bleed to death if I cut myself shaving.  I could solve that by waxing my legs instead.

The infusion went according to plan.  I packed my chemo bag with snacks, my laptop, and a DVD of In Plain Sight - Season 1 (who knew there were so many protected witnesses in Albuquerque?)  There were no schedule mishaps or drug formula substitutions.  It all went like clockwork.  Anyway, I have four treatments left and the side effects will only get more intense.  But, what else can I do other than suck it up and push through.  Anyway, I can be persuaded to lay on the couch all day from June 11 - July 11.

No U8 game this weekend, but last Saturday the boys played another hard-fought game, this time with two subs, but we "lost" by one goal.  Nevertheless, we passed the ball well, took a lot of shots, and scored a handful of goals. One of kids even did things that showed he actually listened during practice.

At match time, we did not have a referee, so I reffed the first half.  Thank goodness U8s don't use the offside rule.  I'm a bit vague on the ref's hand signals, other than pointing which way the possession goes.  After all, who looks at the ref during the match?  There must be a sign for "shut up" that I could show to the parents who constantly yell "KICK IT!"  It's freaking soccer, of course they know to kick the ball.  The ref showed up for the second half, claiming that he was stuck in traffic from Baltimore.   Must be a long closing-time rush hour, because our game was at 8 AM.

Everybody talks about the weather...

... but no-one does anything about it. Charles Dudley Warner

Well, I'm going to change all that. This must really be the coldest Spring on record.  Just when I think it's starting to warm up, we get another cold front and I'm back to wearing gloves for soccer practice and games.  I'm tired of it.  So I'm trading in my Honda Accord for a Hummer and I'm going to remove the catalytic converter.  Screw the ozone layer and let the stupid polar bears swim.

Two Saturdays ago, the U8s played another game with only six players, but we won this one.  Well, we don't keep score in this rec league, but the kids do and mention it during the match.  I can't blame them.  There were six of them running all the time in the midday sun without respite.  Who would begrudge them some satisfaction?  Our first two were scored before the sixth player arrived.  We started with five (the quorum) so as not to forfeit.

The opposing coach was yellow carded for mouthing off at the ref.  Obviously he didn't read the e-mail, sent earlier that week, about coach and parent behavior.  He was also way, way, waaaay off base on his protests.  They were all 50-50 balls and the kids bumped into each other - expected for U8 games.  I'll bet this coach, when he plays, is a diver.

I really don't know what makes grown-ups so petulant at U8 games.  If they get that upset about the little calls in a U8 rec game, they shouldn't be coaching.  Maybe some of them are trying to impress the parents with their "knowledge of the game."   Really, what do you say to the ref during the game, other than "Man down."  My role at the game is to make sure the kids get enough playing time (which is really easy when there are no subs) and enjoy the game.  After that, I yell encouragement and minimal instructions like "Stay in your goal!" and "Move up, defense!"  Some of them (the keeper and defender) usually stay in their positions.  Others just roam the field.  Commanding them not to bunch up is futile.  We talk about it in practice and run drills where they're spaced apart and passing, but during the games, all except the keeper and the defender chase the ball.

Soccerheads: Read this article on US defender Clarence Goodson, a protege of Joe Doc (Skill Kills!).

FOLFOX Round 7: If It's Tuesday, It Must Be Wednesday

The first six rounds of chemo all started on a Tuesday and ended on a Thursday.  I plan my week around it, e.g. so that I don't have to wear the chemo pump during soccer practice on Thursday evening).  However, this week was different.  I was teleworking Tuesday morning, expecting to go to the doctor's office at 1:00 PM, when I got a call from aforementioned doctor's office to remind me of my appointment on Wednesday at 1:00 PM. 

"Wednesday?" I asked incredulously, "I always have my appointments on Tuesday, why is it on Wednesday?"

It turns out that they scheduled me for Wednesday, but I did not catch the error.  I have the tentative times blocked off on my calendar, so when they told me the appointment, I must have just heard the time and updated only that on my smart phone.  How smart is it if it didn't catch the error?  Anyway, I talked to one of the nurses to see if they could squeeze me in on Tuesday afternoon, but she said it was impossible because my drugs arrive by overnight courier on the morning of my appointment and thus,  wouldn't be there until Wednesday morning.

"So, I'm not picky.  Could I just have someone else's chemo?"
"No," she laughed. "It doesn't work that way."

So, come Wednesday, I'm sitting in the infusion room, getting my drugs and reading Soccernomics, when the English nurse (she's from southern England, I hope, for her sake, she's not a Portsmouth fan) tells me that one of my drugs, Leucovarin the "L" in FOLFOX, arrived in a saline solution, which is different from what I usually get.  Saline, it turns out, is incompatible with oxaliplatin (the "OX), so she couldn't run it in the same iv line to my mediport.  Instead, she had to find one of my junkie veins and run a new line into my arm.  Fortunately for them, nurses and phlebotomists never have problems finding my stout veins.  The only trouble she had was seeing the veins under all that hair.  You kow what hairy arms mean, don't you - tape.  Anyway, they had to use this work around for several patients and assured us that it was only an anomaly and would not happen again.

Two chapters, a couple of comments on Soccer Insider, and a nap later I was out of there.

Our soccer team lost another game.  The U8s play 6-on-6 and exactlysix players(out of 11) showed up for the game.  So they were exhausted quickly.  Nevertheless, these six played their best game of the season.  Our meandering defender got out of position many times to chase a winger, but he followed the ball doggedly and shut down many chances.  Our goalkeepers (I did rotate at this position) stayed on their line and actually fell on the ball instead of trying to kick it away.  Our forwards and midfielders passed better than in any other game and got many shots off.  Unfortunately, fatigue set in early and many of the shots were hurried.  A 0-3 loss was not bad, considering.  One bright side is that I could toss out my substitution scheme at the start of the game.

I shouldn't complain, but...

When I write "I shouldn't complain," it means that I'm going to complain, but I want you to think I'm a reasonable person who usually knows when to hold his tongue.  Anyway, the topics of my pique are in bold.

The side effects are increasingly annoying.  My sensitivity to cold objects now lasts the entirety of the two-week treatment cycle.  The effects modulate somewhat in the last seven days, but they do not subside completely.  Right now I'm typing this in a room that's probably at 70 degrees, but my fingers are tingling and I'm making more typos than usual.

Fatigue is also an issue.  It used to begin the day after my pump was disconnected., but it now starts earlier and lasts longer.  That's a bit of a problem when trying to run a Cub Scout den meeting, soccer practice, and the game.  Fortunately, those aren't all in one day and I can usually recruit other parents to help out.

My weight is beginning to drop - I lost a pound since my last weigh-in.  Even though I try to "eat as if it's a chore," the insensitive taste buds don't allow me to enjoy much.  I'll probably drop five to ten more pounds.  If you know me, you know that I can't afford to drop weight.

It would be nice if parents brought their kids to the soccer game on time.  I ask that they get there 15 minutes early to warm up and stretch, with the unreasonable hope that all 11 players will be there at game time.  At the last game, only six players were present for kickoff (the U8s play 6v6).  This completely screws up the line-up and substitutions that I plan. 

The referee lined the players up for an equipment check.  She did that last season too and is the only ref to do so.  One of the kids, despite everything I've told them and their parents, wore his shin guards over his socks.  At least I could blame the ref when I told tell dad that his son could not participate until he was properly in uniform.  This dad also yells "KICK IT!"  whenever the ball gets near his son.  I've asked the parents to refrain from coaching, because I don't want the kids to just boot the ball aimlessly, but that is also an unreasonable hope.

We lost the last match horribly. The mercy rule (add another player at -5 goal differential) was implemented in the middle of the first half.  Adding the player didn't help.  Part of the problem is that we took our team picture an hour before the game, and the boys ran around during the waiting time and may have tired themselves out.  So, rev up the "Fire Coach 270" bandwagon again.

I just put golvs on to tyoe.  Cqan you tell?>

The Un-Special One

I'm no Jose Mourinho, but I've taken on the head coaching duty for our older son's U8 team this season.  I already told you about my playing experience.  As far as coaching experience, I ain't got none.  But I do watch a lot of soccer on TV and yell at the players to pass, shoot, and defend.  And I have managed teams on internet fantasy leagues.  It's the same thing, right?

As if my car trunk doesn't have enough stuff, it's now has a big bag of soccer balls, cones, and pinnies (for the uninitiated, these are brightly colored practice vests).  Because my trunk lid could still close, I got a couple of collapsible goals for practice.

I did buy a coaching book.  Picking one was really confusing because every person who has ever coached a youth team has also written a coaching book.  First, I eliminated the ones on Dutch methods because I don't know the difference between Holland and The Netherlands.  Sure, "total vootball" may be the way to go in the long term, but all those double vowel names (Ruud van Nistelrooy, Pierre van Hooijdonk, and Antonie van Leeuwenhoek) are hard to pronounce.  Second, I eliminated the books with a three-digit number in the title (101 Great Youth Soccer Drills, 300 Soccer Drills, The 101st Airborne at Normandy - I thought that one was about French heading drills).  By the time all the kids get to practice, we barely have time to run two of the four drills I planned and I can barely keep those four in my head.  What am I going to do with 97 more?  Finally, because Borders was about to close, I picked the cheapest one.

Six of the kids from last season are returning.  This is a relief, because it took me all of last season to learn their names.  Now I only have to learn four new names.  The returning kids are an enthusiastic bunch and know the rules and the positions.  Whether or not they stay in position is another thing.

U8 kids play 6 v 6, including the goalkeeper.  So I have to figure out whether to go with a 2-2-1, a 2-1-2, a 1-2-2 (for when we're behind), or a 3-1-1 (for keeping a lead), 1-3-1, or 1-1-3..  But it's U8 soccer.  Whatever formation they start with will end up as a 5-0-0, 0-5-0, or 0-0-5.  And then I have to hope that whoever plays goalkeeper doesn't get bored and start playing Spiderman with the net.  This is the leading cause of "goals against" in U8 soccer.  I'll have to appoint a parent as goalkeeping coach, whose sole duty will be to shout "You're doing a good job. Stay on your line. Way to go!"  Praise-correction-praise. (from the coaching book).

My proudest moment last season was when our son ran into the goalpost.  It wasn't the fact that he ran into the post, but why he did it.  He was on defense and the goalkeeper, channeling his inner Fabian Barthez, had gone off to the far extremes of the penalty area.  Our son, without instruction, sprinted across the end line to cover the goal, while keeping his eyes fixed on the ball and... thunk... ran into the post.  His chest absorbed most of the collision and he popped right back up (note to self: get a first aid kit with ice-packs).  Yeah, he ran into the post, but he was doing the right thing without being told.

Oh, the league gave all coaches a handout and a 10 minute talk on concussions.  Symptoms include inability to focus on a task, unresponsiveness to simple questions, and disorientation.  In other words, typical eight year old boy behavior.

So here I go, planning practices, running drills, and trying to organize eight year old boys.  This might be the longest eight-game season ever.  But, at the end, you'll be able to read all about it in my forthcoming book Water Breaks and Post-Game Snacks: The 101 Essentials of Yoouuth Soccer. Hey Joe Doc, can I get a cover endorsement from you?

A Bottle of White, A Bottle of Red. Perhaps a Shot of Neupogen Instead

I had a shot of Neupogen to boost my low white blood cell counts.  Objecting to their declining status, a small percentage of the white cells on my right side, claiming to speak for all the white cells, formed a T (cell) Party and (1) asserted that the red blood cells did not come from my bone marrow, but from a transfusion, (2) that my therapy was determined by a cell death panel, and (3) that synapses between two cells with Y chromosomes is an abomination.

The Neupogen shot will keep my white cell, specifically neutrophil, counts up to fight obligate and opportunistic pathogens.and to stay on schedule for the next round of FOLFOX this Tuesday.  Here's a neat time lapse video * of a neutrophil ingesting Candida albicans (yeast.  No, not the beer making kind).

The Neupogen shot was administered by the English nurse.  So we talked about the upcoming World Cup and I mentioned that England would advance, but only after losing the the United States.  She gave me the evil eye and I said "I shouldn't have said that while you're holding a needle."  But she'd already given me the shot.  Next time I see her though, she might use an 8-gauge needle to inject me - in the eye.

I know the Neupogen is working because I have a backache - a common side effect.  Other, more adverse effects include splenic rupture, alveolar hemorrhage, acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), and hemoptysis - Greek for "coughing up blood."  What's Greek for "Hey Angela, loan us a few billion Euros?"

*  Judith Behnsen, Priyanka Narang, Mike Hasenberg, Frank Gunzer, Ursula Bilitewski, Nina Klippel, Manfred Rohde, Matthias Brock, Axel A. Brakhage, Matthias Gunzer.  PLOS Pathogens

FOLFOX Round 2: I Am Such An Idiot

The second chemo treatment didn't start too well.  My port seemed to be clogged and the nurse couldn't get any blood return.  After three syringefuls of the anti-coagulant heparin and having me sit completely still and quiet, she worked it loose.  I suggested drano, but she didn't think it was a good idea.  I've never had trouble with the port before and hope it's a one-time thing.

I am such an idiot.
Before this set of treatments, my oncologist warned me about the cold sensitivity side effect of oxaliplatin, with which I would get a strong tingling sensation if i touch or eat something cold.  The next week, during a chemo-education session, the physician's assistant repeated the warning.  At the first chemo session, the nurse reinforced the lesson when she connected the iv bags and another nurse repeated it when she disconnected them.  By the third and fourth time, although I politely listened, i was thinking Yeah, yeah.  I know this stuff.  Well, Mr. I-know-this-stuff completely forgot the lesson two weeks later.  On the night of the second treatment, I took our younger son out for ice cream.

When I realized what a dope I was, I decided to experiment.  After all, I already paid for it (literally and figuratively with a frozen throat), so why not do some science.  It turns out that with the first spoonful, I felt nothing.  With the second, I felt a little tingling and the sides of my tongue were starting to freeze.  With the third spoonful, my tongue felt very frozen and I couldn't eat any more.  After waiting about two minutes, the sensitivity was gone and the three-spoon cycle reset.  So there you go: Effects of Cold Stone Creamery's Berry, Berry, Berry Good Flavor on a Patient with Oxaliplatin-Induced Peripheral Neuropathy is submitted for publication.  By the way, since when did going out for ice cream become an "experience," where the creamwright behind the counter kneads your ice cream and additions on a cold marble stone?  Whatever happened to just scooping the ice cream out, giving it to the customer, and charging a reasonable price?

Anyway, the cold sensitivity lasted longer this time.  As late as Friday I had trouble drinking cool water.  Then, on Saturday, the fatigue crept in on little cat feet.

Soccer note: Our older son is now playing FIFA 10 and proving that DC United can win with last year's roster.  Jaime, Gomez, and Emilio are scoring in bundles.  When he plays as the US National Team, even Jay DeMerit gets in on the scoring.

Training for surgery

I never played soccer at at high level.  I was on my high school's junior varsity team.  An ugly foot injury prevented me from spending my senior season on the varsity bench.  Of course, I didn't play at all in college or in grad school because (a) neither school had a soccer team and (b) what did you not understand about my lack of talent?  Only when I moved to MoCo, did I start playing again in a weekly pick-up match, with many foreign post-docs (and a gangly domestic one).  So I quickly developed a three-fold strategy:

1. pass to the Frenchman,
2. pass to the Spaniard (sorry, not you. The other Spaniard),
3) pass to the Brazilian

Early in my pick-up soccer career, I picked up a bad ankle injury.  Later on, I picked up a bad knee.  So nowadays, if I run for more than 1 minute, I have to wrap my knee and ankle and take ibuprofen.

But the doctors want me to get in better shape before surgery.  The surgeon says I should focus on cardio exercises and the oncologist says I should do some weight training to build muscle mass.  It's a good thing I didn't ask the gasteroenterologist and the radiation oncologist too, or I'd have to add pilates and jazzercise to the regimen. So now I'm resuming my pre-cancer exercise routine - OK, truthfully, I slacked off months before the diagnosis. 

Instead of actually running, I use an elliptical. It's not one of the fancy ones with many electronic controls and readouts.  It's a pretty simple one that displays the wrong speed and the wrong distance. That doesn't really matter, my goal is to get up to 20 minutes in the "green zone" of the display.  The yellow zone means I'm moving too slowly and the red zone means my ego thinks I'm a lot younger than my body is.  The lack of any lateral motion saves my ankle.  In addition to the joint-sparing, no impact workout, I can use the elliptical in any weather and, when I get tired, I don't have to worry about how far from home I am.  I also have a knock-off of the Total Gym - you know, that resistance machine advertised by Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley.  I bought the knock-off because I'm cheap and because it's reasonable for a limited amount of upper and lower body exercise, but I'm not going to get buff with this.

So, If I keep to a rigorous schedule, I'll be in decent shape for surgery.  After surgery, of course, I'll lose weight and stamina again and have to start all over again.  If all goes well though, I will be in game form when the World Cup starts in June.  With the current injuries to our crucial players, the US will need a good bench warmer.  I hope the gangly guy gets in shape too.  We may need him on set pieces.

Copa Mundial-Coup du Mond-World Cup

Sometimes I forget that this is a soccer blog too. Because readers of this blog come from all over the world, here's my take on how our countries did in qualifying for the World Cup 2010 in South Africa.

• El Salvador - Lo siento amiga.
  
• England - Qualified easily, but will still lose to Germany in the tournament.
  
• Israel - Had resounding win over Luxtensteinbourg or something, but failed to earn even a playoff spot, falling behind Greece and Latvia. Seriously, Latvia?
  
• Ireland - Earned a playoff position. No Roy Keane means no distracting drama. In a playoff with France. How do you say "au revoir" in Gaelic?
  
• Italy - The Azurri are headed to South Africa and will need to atone for their Confederations Cup disaster.By the way, I'm still looking for the blue on Italy's flag. If you find it, let me know.
• Scotland - Too bad you didn't qualify. It always fun to see the Tartan Army at the World Cup finals. Come to think of it, they have a habit of cheering for another small country so that they can attend the World Cup, drink, and sing obscene songs about the English.
• Spain - Also qualified easily, upholding their tradition of waiting until the knock-out rounds of the tournament to disappoint todo el pais.
• Trinidad and Tobago - Have another Carib. Rough times after a tremendous effort in 2006, but thank you for keeping Mexico in second place..
  
• United States - Yes, we qualified and finished in first place, but will can we really be happy with that? Honestly? Raise your hand if you dreading the draw.
  

A Tale of Two Cities (And Their Clubs)

Week two is over. It was pretty much like week one. The low point came Wednesday night watching DC United play miserably in losing the US Open Cup. I didn't make it to the final like I did last year, so DC's record in finals that I attend is still 2-0.

A group of us went to the 1997 MLS Cup final, including my friend from Madrid (no, he didn't fly over for the game, he lived here at the time). Nevertheless, he doesn't completely follow the DC United references in this blog. So I've made a list of similarities between DC United and Real Madrid to make this blog more relevant to him.:

Each team:

• Plays in it's nation's capital (let's start with an easy one)
  
• Has players with Spanish names (another easy one).
• Has fans with Spanish names (Oh hush. You knew it was coming).
• Paid too much for its star Brazilian.
  
• Has an iconic, aging player who plays well just when you think he should retire.
• Has fans who demand that the coach be fired with each loss or draw.
• Has fans who demand that the owner and general manager be replaced after each trophy-less season.
• Has fans who hate David Beckham.
  
• Played a home game at FedEx Field on August 9, 2009.
  
• Boasts of winning the domestic league and the region's Champions League/Cup, although neither has accomplished those feats recently.

Feel free to add more in the comments or just repeatedly type "dos a cero."

We Win (?) Trophies

OK Soccerphiles. You already know that DC United's new motto, in the smack-talk with Seattle, is "We Win Trophies." That gives me an excuse to post the my colleague's observations on youth sports.(besides, I'm coming up short on material, so I have to steal some). Anyway, aforementioned colleague was a HS hockey player. Here's what she has to say about trophies:

What I don’t understand is how come all these kids’ soccer teams get individual trophies for just being in a tournament? My one niece has more trophies at age 13 (and nicer ones) than her mother, father, two aunts and one uncle have combined. (And we played on undefeated varsity field hockey teams that won Sectionals.) [Nowadays] They build their self esteem, give them individual Blue Gatorade bottles, have multiple outfits….

We had the hand-me down uniforms the school had. You tried to pick one that fit.

We all drank water from a single ladle from a single metal container. (Yet no one ever got sick.) On good days, there might be orange slices at half-time for games against our bitter rivals.

Heaven help you if you got hurt and needed tape since supplies in the first aid kit were generally used to hold together cleats or to wrap around a stick.

We knew how to improvise back then. Like fanning out across the field with our sticks going through the grass to look for a teammate’s front tooth that got knocked out (it was found and healed nicely) .

Have the coach go into labor during a crucial game? Not to worry. She already has a stopwatch to time the contractions.

Son 1 starts U8 soccer and Son 2 starts Tee-ball soon. I guess I should go buy a trophy cabinet.

Tattoo You

To make sure that they're nuking my ass in the same spot each time, the radiation therapist has to tattoo reference points on me. Yesssss, I'm getting a tramp stamp!

As a soccer fan, I'm not sure whom I should emulate:

David Beckham

or Natasha Kai
























Too bad Heather Mitts doesn't have any tattoos that are visible when she's in uniform (hey, I'm trying to keep it clean here) . Otherwise I'd post gratuitous photos of her too.

Oh what the hell, it's my damn blog.

Placing Sports in Context.

Athletes and sports fans like to throw around the word "war" gratuitously and irresponsibly. The US-Mexico match may turn into a street fight, but it is not a war.

We have a close family friend (I'll call him Joe because that's his name) who is deployed in the Middle East, where we are at war. Joe has been my bro-in-law's friend and a friend to our family for over 20 years. What Joe is doing is serious and any attempts to draw a parallel between sports contests and actual war is wrong. We wish Joe and his 34th "Red Bull" Infantry Division a successful mission and a safe return. They are the only Red Bulls I'll ever root for.

Post-match update:

Well, that sucked. Giving up a goal in the last 10 minutes was awful. Say what you want about the altitude and the smog, but Donovan and Dempsey were both absent for much of the match. Save for Davies' goal, we gave the ball away each time we entered the final third.

Freedom Overspill

Washington Freedom 3 - Sky Blue 1

Washington beat the orange-clad Sky Blue (?!) at the Maryland Soccerplex and earned a playoff spot in the WPS. The whole I-270 family attended. My favorite part of the game was the three goals. The boys' favorite parts were eating hot dogs and rolling down the hill behind the north goal. Mrs. 270's favorite part was sitting on the grass watching them roll.

Met another Soccer Insider regular, Joe Doc. He was surprisingly unarmed, which is rare in his neck of the Virginia woods (just pulling your leg dude). We had a beer and started yelling "Free Bird!" at the guy playing the bagpipes.

Why do the Sky Blue wear an orange uniform? Are they Dutch? Gator fans? From the Protestant part of New Jersey? These are the deep mysteries of soccer.

Match report

DC United 3 - Colorado Rapids 1

Son 1 and I saw DC United beat the CRapids 3-1. Son 1 was wearing his #99 home replica (with his name, not Jaime's on the back) DC's Brian Namoff opened the scoring with an own goal. Namoff redeemed himself later with a wicked header off a corner kick and inside the near post. So DC scored four unanswered goals?

The match was part of a double-header, with the Freedom playing Red Star Chicago in the early match. We didn't make it to the early match. But, when we walked up to buy tickets, some people who were leaving after the first match gave us their tickets (section 119), so we just bought the cheapest seats available, but settled down in 119, not too far from the field. Nice digs.

Prior to kickoff we met some of the Soccer Insider regulars: BlackandRedRedDevil, OWNTF, VirginiaBlueBlood, and Mrs.VBB. Good folks with good taste in beer, and proof that not all of us on the internet are raving lunatics.

Son 2 has no interest in watching soccer, nevertheless, he likes his #14 away replica (with his name, not Ben's) so we bought him a DC United hat.

We drove back through the city so that Son 1 could catch a glimpse of the Capitol Building, the Washington Monument, and the White House at night.

Prologue (Updated)

So, why write a blog? Well, I have a lot of stuff on my mind. Now I can share it with you (but give it back when you're finished, I really can't afford to lose any more of my mind).

I've thought about having a forum for my opinions on soccer, Eurosnobs, and why I enjoy the game so much. But, there are many soccer blogs available that are written by persons with more knowledge of the game. So mine would just be a place for rants, and there are many rant blogs out there as well. So, in looking for a niche, I really couldn't find one. Until (as you'll read later) I was diagnosed with cancer. Soccer and cancer? There's my niche.

OK, to be honest, Marcia Williams had this niche first. I wish her and the Williams family the best and encourage everyone to consider registering as a bone marrow donor.

Some may think that I'm taking this lightly or sharing too much. To them, I say, get your own damn blog and write seriously and guardedly. I do have limits though, I won't post photos of the colonoscopy or the tattoos on my butt for targeting the radiation therapy - unless, of course, I can make money from it.

Maybe this is therapeutic, maybe I can use cancer as a reason to blather on about why those of you in the United States should all burn your foreign-team jerseys and buy American. Whatever the reason, I'm going to keep writing.

UPDATE: I backdated this entry to put things in perspective. I started this blog in mid-July, after the diagnosis was made.