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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

A Bottle of White, A Bottle of Red. Perhaps a Shot of Neupogen Instead

I had a shot of Neupogen to boost my low white blood cell counts.  Objecting to their declining status, a small percentage of the white cells on my right side, claiming to speak for all the white cells, formed a T (cell) Party and (1) asserted that the red blood cells did not come from my bone marrow, but from a transfusion, (2) that my therapy was determined by a cell death panel, and (3) that synapses between two cells with Y chromosomes is an abomination.

The Neupogen shot will keep my white cell, specifically neutrophil, counts up to fight obligate and opportunistic pathogens.and to stay on schedule for the next round of FOLFOX this Tuesday.  Here's a neat time lapse video * of a neutrophil ingesting Candida albicans (yeast.  No, not the beer making kind).

The Neupogen shot was administered by the English nurse.  So we talked about the upcoming World Cup and I mentioned that England would advance, but only after losing the the United States.  She gave me the evil eye and I said "I shouldn't have said that while you're holding a needle."  But she'd already given me the shot.  Next time I see her though, she might use an 8-gauge needle to inject me - in the eye.

I know the Neupogen is working because I have a backache - a common side effect.  Other, more adverse effects include splenic rupture, alveolar hemorrhage, acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS), and hemoptysis - Greek for "coughing up blood."  What's Greek for "Hey Angela, loan us a few billion Euros?"

*  Judith Behnsen, Priyanka Narang, Mike Hasenberg, Frank Gunzer, Ursula Bilitewski, Nina Klippel, Manfred Rohde, Matthias Brock, Axel A. Brakhage, Matthias Gunzer.  PLOS Pathogens

2 comments:

  1. The geek in me believes the joke would have been better if you said "apoptosis panels", but the non-geek in me says...wait, nevermind.

    Hang in there. I've been meaning to call, but I can't figure out this time difference thing. Maybe this weekend to celebrate DCU's opening win.

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  2. All I got is Neutrogena.

    I'm disappointed you didn't invite me to your T (cell) Party. I would have brought my "Don't Tread on Me" flag -- but then you would have turned me in to DHS, and that would be that.

    Not much longer til we hit the BeerGarten. This Bud's on me.

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