Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I'm ready for my close up now

Today, the colonoscopy revealed colorectal cancer. Here's the back story

A couple of weeks earlier, I thought that I had hemorrhoids. So (at the insistence of Mrs. 270) I tried to see my primary care physician, but he was not available, so I made an appointment with one of his partners. She gave me a digital rectal exam. Now this is important guys. When you are going to have a digital rectal, get a woman physician. Her finger is smaller than a man's.

So she said that she felt something unusual in the "upper aspect." I thought "Ha, ha. you said ass-pect." She referred me to a gastroenterologist, who was not a she. You know you're in trouble when the only box of latex gloves in the examining room is XXL.

After the discomfort of that exam, he scheduled me for a colonoscopy. "Well," I thought, "At least I'll be asleep for that."

If you've never had a colonoscopy, the day before is also difficult as you must stop eating and then take laxatives. You get to the to the studio and they have the nerve to ask "How are you?" I replied, "I'm starving and I have diarrhea." Nevertheless, the nurses were quite upbeat, with one of them urging me to scream when the other put in the i.v. needle as a critique of her technique. I responded with a mild "Eek," which had them in stitches

I didn't take the full course of laxatives and told the nurse that I was behind schedule. She didn't laugh when I said "behind," so I had to tell her it was OK to laugh at that. They wheeled me in to the portrait studio and the anesthesiologist started to put me under. "I'm ready for my close-up now, Mr. DeMille" (Yes, I actually said that).

The scope showed tumors. My GE-ologist sent them off for pathology, but the initial diagnosis was made.


  1. Hi I-270,

    I stumbled onto your blog from Soccer Insider (where I post only occasionally but read fervently).

    Can I ask, how long did you suffer with h'roids before thinking of heading to the doctor? I'm nearing 40, and have rarely (if ever) had h'roids, but sure enough I seem to have them now and would like to know whether I should be concerned.

    And, thanks for posting this and best wishes to you as you deal with this. The blog is great-it will be part of my reading schedule from now on.

  2. I think I endured the pain for about 3 weeks. It turned out that the tumor was in the location that internal hemorrhoids would be (if I had 'roids). I tried prep H with no effect. I think that's when I decided to go to the doctor.

  3. Thanks. Luckily, it seems the Prep-H may have worked for me. Still, I'll be mindful of this and plan to have a much-delayed physical ASAP.

    Again, thanks for the response and the blog. I'll be reading and wishing you well.