Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Tumor Speaks

I-270 stupidly forgot to log out of the blog, so I'm taking over to set a few things straight.

Look. They've been trying to kill me with poison and radiation for three weeks now. And all of you are cheering for them. What did I ever do to any of you? Nothing. Not a damned thing. You just don't like me. I know why you don't. I don't fit your profile of someone you want to associate with. You don't respect me because I wasn't born into an elite, big-name family like Hodgkins or Wilms. And I didn't go to the fancy cancer schools like Sloan-Kettering or Dana Farber and become a brain tumor or something.

No. I come from the streets - worse than the streets, the sewer.
I'm just trying to get out of here. You think it's nice where I am? Hell no. All day I have to sit here while all sorts of... stuff slides over me. And the smell? I can't begin to describe it. Not to mention that sometimes it gets drafty in here - if you know what I mean. Hey! What the.. jeow8yu4jsdgfgdfdsf..................

OK. I got the computer back. Sorry for the rude interruption.
Week three is in the books. A few side effects. The worst are the radiation burns on, well, down there. The hints of nausea are, so far, controllable with the anti-emetics. I have three of those, with on option for a fourth, but that's another blog in the making. The bottom line is that I'm still healthy enough to write stupid stuff on the internet.


  1. Even though your tumor is harmful, it whines about being unappreciated and unwanted. By the way the NFL starts up this weekend (I'm sure there's no connection).

  2. Eeeew, make sure you clean your keyboard with that alcohol hand rub. Oh wait.....

  3. "with on option for a fourth"

    am i picking up the hint there? perhaps Kyle Beckerman could point you toward some dispensaries in the greater MD area.

  4. Perhaps the nausea is a result of you reading all of those Christopher Hitchens columns?

    As for Mr. Tumor, I pray for its quick and miserable demise.

  5. Instead of "Mr. Tumor" why don't we just dub him Amani?

    (showing off my knowledge of the other kind of football)