Thursday, August 13, 2009

My Dinner with Adenocarcinoma

Mrs. 270 wants to set up a meeting with an onco-nutritionist and has already bought several books with names like What You Should Eat When You Have Cancer, Feed a Cold Starve a Tumor (or is it Starve a Cold, Feed a Tumor?), and Healthful Foods for Dummies Like Your Husband.

You know, if there really is a diet that prevents cancer from forming or growing, then there would only be a need for one book about it. But everyone has to get in on the healthful cookbook scheme. I skimmed through some of these books. They all say the same thing: eat fish and vegetables.

I don't like fish. Really, I'd much rather have a land animal.

You know I'm an atheist, but bear with me on this one: If God wanted you to eat so much fish, he wouldn't have put them all under water. I mean, you can just walk up and kill a cow, but fish? You have to get in a boat, go out on the water (and we humans are not natural swimmers), and wait for hours until something jerks your line. Then you'd better hope it's a good fish and not a three-eyed mercury-laden mutant.

In fact, if you read your Bible carefully, you'll know God did not want people to eat a lot of fish. But then his rebellious son came along and worked a miracle to feed throngs of people with just a couple of fish and some loaves of bread - just to piss off his old man.


  1. I am, as you know, an Anglosnob. The landlady of my local calls vegetarians who "eat a little bit of fish" -- wait for it --Fish and Chipocrites.

  2. What other purpose on this earth could a cow possibly serve????

  3. "Piss off" his old man?!!!

    Are you trying to jerk my line?

    Mrs. I-270 needs to tie you to a chair and feed you Chilean Sea Bass. Your mind will change dramatically. It won't have you running to your local Giant for Gorton's Fish Sticks, but your taste for seafood will be born.

    I prayed for you last night, you raging atheist!

  4. 270, So sorry to hear about the cancer diagnosis. It is not by any means a sentence. Fighting it will take resolve and a positive spirit. From reading your posts, it's pretty obvious you have plenty of both.

    Let me know if you find the cancer preventing diet. I know I can't drink the anti oxidants of real green tea because it sort of tastes like moist grass clippings. I like my red meat and my potatoes and my Guiness!

  5. (late entry from someone just getting up to speed with this whole blog thing....yes, I'm a Luddite...)

    possible the best billboard I've ever seen, one for Bugaboo Creek (where they serve a variety of critters), that reads "There's a place at the table for all God's between the mashed potatoes and green beans"